Ever since the New York Times published mysterious op-ed on September 5, political pundits in Washington have been tearing their hair out to find out whodunit.
The less than complimentary piece has Donald Trump frothing at the mouth like a gored bull. He fired a tweet to the Times demanding they reveal the name of the offending person because he was a ‘threat to US national security’. Third World dictators would be pleased.
The NYT has naturally refused to oblige. Titled: “I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the Trump Administration,” the piece lays bare how the mysterious author and other senior officials in the Trump Nuthouse are busy keeping the self-proclaimed “stable genius” from doing too much damage to the country. That a boy!
“Many of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations," the author wrote.
The Times’ mysterious op-ed appeared in the immediate aftermath of the announcement about Bob Woodward’s book, Fear: Trump in the White House that is to be released on Tuesday September 11 (Does the date ring a bell?) Together with Carl Bernstein, Woodward had exposed the break-in at the Watergate hotel in 1972-73 that brought down the Nixon presidency.
Woodward’s latest book promises to be just as exciting, and explosive, hence Trump’s panicked reaction. He only likes to hear praise; all else is fake news. So not surprisingly, he denounced Woodward’s book also as fake news and based on lies.
But whodunit? We will come to that. Please bear with us a little longer.
“It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Americans should know that there are adults in the room. We fully recognize what is happening. And we are trying to do what’s right even when Donald Trump won’t” (emphasis added; but thank God for the adults in the room. Trump could easily smash all the toys).
Frustrated at the unflattering exposure of his disgraceful conduct, Trump has been grilling his staff. Vice President Mike Pence, Secretary of Defence James Mattis (who reportedly said Trump had the foreign policy understanding of a “fifth or sixth grader”—please don’t insult a fifth grader!) and Chief of Staff John Kelly who called Trump an “idiot” have all been hauled on the carpet.
Kelly simply confirmed what North Korean leader Kim Jung un had called Trump: a “dotard”. Kim certainly knows a bit of English.
Even if any of the Trump officials were responsible for the Times op-ed, would they confess to the moron-in-chief?
“We’re in Crazytown,” said a frustrated John Kelly. “I don’t even know why any of us are here. This is the worst job I’ve ever had,” he lamented.
So dear readers, here is the true identity of the mysterious op-ed writer. It is really no brainer; the person has already admitted he is “Part of the Resistance”. Don’t you get it?
We can now reveal from our own impeccable sources that Hizbullah operatives have penetrated the Trump White House and are trying to bring down the US government from the inside.
It is all there in plain sight. Trump does not have to fire Pence (he probably cannot), or Mattis or Kelly or any of the other long-suffering souls in the Trump Nuthouse. He does not even have to go after Melania although she has gone her own way, having had enough of the nutcase she married.
So, Donald, don’t fire your Nuthouse staff; they have not done you in. The real masterminds are elsewhere and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. So eat your heart out, you blonde orangutan!